Monday, January 26, 2009

Jesus Says: "Win, But Not By Too Much"

Alas! Gone are the days of muscled Christianity, when men proved their valor and their virtue by beating their opponents senseless.

Dale sends me the news that a women's basketball team from a Christian high school in Texas beat their opponents (from a school that specializes in helping students with learning "differences") by the score of 100-0. And now, ashamed they let themselves be overcome with pride, they are asking the league to let them forfeit that win. Forgive them Mark Cuban for they have sinned!

We do have a long tradition of attributing sporting victories to God (as if he cared more about my team winning at the buzzer than helping starving children). And, as I have noted before, sports and the divine have been intertwined for millennia. But, to quote Eugene Struthers, we have taken it to a "whole 'nother level" in this country. When the U.S. hockey team beat the Soviets in Lake Placid in 1980, it was dubbed, unsurprisingly, a "miracle." A long, last minute pass in football is called a "Hail Mary." And most NASCAR drivers have an unseen co-pilot: Jesus.

But don't get me wrong. If you're Christian you should win, thereby proving the superiority of your belief system. And do thank God when you win, since He would rather see you win than your agnostic rivals (even if they do have learning disabilities). But when you win, be sure to win meekly, humbly... and preferably wearing your new team uniform: sackcloth and ashes.


The Alliance of the Strange said...

I just read that the coach of the team was fired. For winning by too darn much, I guess. I don't know if he pressed the whole game or kept his starters in, but there's something wrong with a league where a team could be beat by 100 points. And there's something Catholic about apologizing for it afterward.

Corry Cropper said...

Good point. What kind of league would even allow teams with such disparate talent sets to play each other?

And I'm still laughing about your last sentence.... nice.