Wednesday, September 3, 2008

College Football, brought to you by @#$%#!

Maybe it's because I've become accustomed to watching football games on my TiVo and so I can skip all the commercials, injury timeouts, even the huddles. But Saturday when I went to a college football game, I found it to be one long tedious commercial punctuated by injury and TV timeouts, and an occasional play.

(Since this blog needs some extra advertising, I'm going to replace the actual corporate sponsors named at the game with The Sports Academic.)

Every single play was "brought to you by..." First downs were sponsored by a bank, Touchdowns by a restaurant, field goals by a furniture store. The dance team and the cheer squad were even "brought to you by The Sports Academic, inc."

I'm sure by next season we'll hear, "That last snap was brought to you by..." Or: "That player scratching himself was brought to you by The Sports Academic lotions and powders. Fans, next time you scratch yourselves, remember The Sports Academic lotion..."

By the second half, confusion set in. There were ads for multiple restaurants, two phone companies, and three credit unions (plus a bank). What's a fan to do? Do I get a calling plan with TheSportsAcademic.com or with TheSportsAcademic.blogspot.com? Do I eat at TheSportsAcademic.com or TheSportsAcademic.blogspot.com? Oh, the humanity! Please, great football team, warriors of my Alma Mater, guiding light in my life, reveal to me which of the three credit unions I should visit for my next car loan!

Frankly, at $75 a seat and $6 for a Philly Cheesesteak, you would think I could attend the game without having things hawked at me every second. Instead, it's like paying to attend one of those time-share meetings.

I think there was a game in there somewhere, but I'm not sure of the final score. My early departure was sponsored by TheSportsAcademic.com sleeping pills.

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