Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Too Much Tour?

You know you've been watching too much of the Tour de France when...

...you raise your hand and look behind you when you want food passed to you at the dinner table.

...you draft behind other shopping carts at the grocery store.

...you shave your legs and walk around the neighborhood in spandex.

...you begin referring to your family doctor as a "soigneur."

...you pass cars going up a hill and look back at the other drivers to see if they're "in the red."

...after being the first one in the family to reach your house from the garage you instinctively provide a urine sample.

...you begin wearing a polk-a-dot T-shirt.

...you start wearing polk-a-dot pants to go with your polk-a-dot T-shirt.

...your kids unexpectedly walk in your room and you desperately try to flush your Tylenol down the toilet while screaming, "It's not mine! Some Italian brought it in here!"

...you pull to the side of the road and urinate without leaving the car. Then, when your kids ask what you're doing, you tell them you're just taking care of a little "besoin naturel." You ignore your kids when they ask why the grass on the side where you stopped has died and is giving off smoke.

...during dinner, when you finish a drink, you nonchalantly throw your glass onto the floor in the next room.

...you scream "Six points! Ka-ching!" every time you drive under a green light.

...you fail the SAT and then say it wasn’t your fault but that the test was flawed.

...you forget to flush, but when confronted by your wife, you maintain that it’s “someone else’s urine sample” in there…

3 comments:

Joe said...

… when you can create a long list of phrases describing how to tell if someone is watching too much of the Tour de France.

Corry Cropper said...

Point taken...

Mary Walker said...

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